Hiya! Welcome to part II of my intensely beautiful hypnobirthing story.
If you haven’t read about how it all started, with my waters breaking at the gym (honestly I couldn’t have made this up!), then check out part I.
And if you want to know more about hypnobirthing you can also check out this post, which explains what hypnobirthing is all about.
So, let’s get back into it from where we left off: the surges (the hypnobirthing term for contractions) are just getting started!
Phase one of labour: early labour, active labour and the transition phase
To start the surges were quite far apart and not too strong. Before long though they became much more frequent and intense.
I asked Mr A to play my hypnobirthing guided visualisation. As I had fallen asleep listening to this almost every night for weeks on end, it was familiar and very comforting to hear. With each surge, I focused on my breathing and repeated the words I had prepared:
Breathing in: “I am strong and can do this”
Breathing out: “Each breath brings baby closer”
During the surges I was feeling most of the pressure in my lower back (it turned out that the baby was facing up instead of down, she was in the “star gazer” position).
I asked Mr A to push down hard on my lower back and this provided great relief. Sure the intensity was still there, but this counter-pressure helped no end.
After some time the midwife hooked me up to a monitor again to see what was happening. She was pleased with the progress and said we could head into the delivery room.
Once in there the midwife started running the water to fill up the birthing pool and I got in. The warm water felt really nice, but due to the back labour I didn’t find it as relaxing as I had hoped, as Mr A couldn’t apply the pressure onto my back like he could when I was stood up. I stayed in there for a while, but eventually decided to get out.
The midwife checked my cervix. 6cm dilated. I was a bit disappointed as I thought I was probably further along than that, but I didn’t dwell on it and remembered a birthing video I had watched: the woman had gone from 6cm to fully dilated within about 20 minutes. That gave me heart.
I continued to focus on the hypnobirthing guided visualisation, which was on constant repeat. During the surges I did my breathing techniques and recited the positive affirmations. The surges were coming thick and fast now, with very little time in between.
It wasn’t long until the midwife checked again and announced that I was fully dilated. She was really good through, she didn’t pressurise me to start pushing, but told me I could push if I felt the urge.
Phase two of labour: the pushing phase
Very quickly after this I felt that urge and switched to a new breathing technique for this final phase of labour. By now it was about 1am and I was actually pretty excited as I thought I would be meeting my baby very soon!
I was quite keen for a water birth, so I made my way back into the pool (I’m not even sure how I managed to get it, as I felt pretty wobbly!). I pushed and I pushed, and I pushed some more. After a while the midwife suggested that we try another position.
The exact order of all the positions is a bit of a blur, but I tried kneeling on the bed, laying on one side, laying on the other side, squatting, bent over the bed, all the while pushing with all my might.
My midwife checked to see how things were going and to my dismay she announced that the baby just wasn’t moving. She hooked me up to a monitor to make sure the baby was doing OK and asked me not to push for the next few surges.
Once she said I could push again (as long as I was feeling the urge to) I started again. Pushing as hard as I could, I was determined to get my baby out.
After some more time the midwife did her checks again. It had been about 5 hours of pushing and the baby was still not budging. She started mentioning the possibility of a C-section. I told her that was really a last resort for me and only if the baby was in danger. So she called the doctor to get her opinion.
Interventions
The doctor recommended that we try an epidural. This would allow my muscles to relax more, so if there was space for the baby to come out, this would allow it. I wasn’t happy, but decided that if this gave me another shot at a vaginal delivery, then it was worth trying.
They administered the epidural and shortly after I could no longer feel the contractions. They told Mr A and I to relax and try to sleep for half an hour to allow my muscles to relax. The birthing room had different coloured light options, so we put on a very dim calming light and closed our eyes. It felt good to let my body relax for a little while after hours of pushing.
After half an hour the doctor and the midwife came back in. They hooked me up to the monitor so that they could see when the contractions were coming and could monitor how the baby was reacting.
They told me when I should push and when I should relax. Again I pushed and used all the techniques I had learnt during pregnancy, but it was no good. The baby was not moving even a cm. Then the doctor announced that she wasn’t happy with the baby’s heartrate. She needed to do a C-section and get the baby out.
Time to get the baby out
Overwhelmed with fear for the baby and disappointment that I hadn’t been able to deliver, I brought my attention back to my breath. I was wheeled into the operating theatre and Mr A had to get changed into scrubs. Luckily they could administer the anaesthetic through the epidural site, so they were very quickly ready to start the procedure.
I closed my eyes and I breathed. I kept my breathing slow and steady and recited my affirmation over and over in my head: you are strong and can do this, each breath brings baby closer.
Then I heard it. That first cry. Any other thoughts were immediately flushed out of my body and there was only that sound. My baby.
They lifted the baby up to show me. Although I had asked for immediate skin-to-skin contact, due to the distress during labour the doctor insisted on whisking the baby away for the paediatric checks before I could even touch it. I told Mr A to go with the baby. I didn’t even know if it was a boy or a girl and felt totally helpless just lying there on the operating table, whilst the doctor delivered my placenta.
Before long they came back in and laid the baby on my chest. It was wearing a little pink hat. “It’s a girl” Mr A told me.
Pure love washed over me. Unconditional love for our new baby girl and also an increased love for Mr A, as I watched the adoration in his eyes for this perfect little creature laying on my chest.
What seemed like only moments later they were taking baby K away from me again so that they could sew me back up. Mr A went with her and he was able to have skin-to-skin time with her in the other room until I was done.
It seemed like an age had passed by the time they finished. Apparently there had been some complications, so it took much longer than normal and I had lost quite a lot of blood.
Eventually they wheeled me into the room where baby K was snuggled up on Mr A’s chest – such a magical moment to witness and my heart just melted.
Final thoughts
Labour was intense. It was very intense. But it was a beautiful and intimate experience between baby K, Mr A and I and I am forever grateful that we went through it together.
In the days after baby K was born I struggled emotionally with the disappointment of having a C-section. Eventually I was able to deal with those feelings, with the help of my fantastic health visitor. If you have experienced the same thing and don’t know how to deal with those emotions I would recommend you read about my experience of birth reclaiming.
Conclusion
So there you have it. Baby K’s hynobirth from start to finish.
If you have read other people’s birthing stories you will realise that every story is totally different and each has its own twists and turns.
That’s why it is important not to focus too much on what happened to other people, as you never know what will happen in your own individual case.
For me hypnobirthing was an integral part of labour. It enabled me to focus on breathing and on the end goal. It removed my fear and anxiety about childbirth. It allowed me to stay calm and experience each surge as an intense moment, moving me ever closer to meeting my baby for the first time.
I didn’t take any pain relief during the early, active and transition phases of labour, nor though the 5 hours of pushing. The only reason I agreed to an epidural at the end was to give me a final chance for a vaginal delivery.
Even when things took a turn for the worse and I had to have an unplanned C-section, I was able to remain calm and collected throughout.
If you want to know more about hypnobirthing, check out this post which explains more about it.
Are you preparing to have a baby? Does it help reading other people’s birthing stories? What are you doing to prepare for labour?